Monday, October 22, 2007

As I post this picture of Mia, I look and also have to laugh about all the worrying I did before our referral about hoping our child #1 would be young so she would not suffer to much separation grieving #2 She could achieve normal attachment. For some reason, after reading articles and learning of possible problems with attachment, I was obsessed.
For those of you who are waiting, I wanted to share with you what we did to form good attachment with Mia. And let me tell you she is REALLY attached. I can't even get out of her sight. She is not one of those cry babies that whines at mommy everything, but the love I can feel from her is unreal. I was just telling Mike, that Mia is the final piece I needed in my puzzle of life. Everyday, she does the darnedest things and amazes us how bright she is.

Before we left for China we decided that I would take some good pointers from a book I read on forming healthy attachment. Some of the ideas were really bizarre to the point of ridiculous.

Before we left, we explained to family and friends that they could come visit and meet Mia, however; Mike and I would be the only ones to change her diaper, bathe her, feed her, put her to bed, and console her if she was upset. We really didn't let too many people carry her around. We wanted her to know who was Mommy and Daddy and that we were always going to be here for her. In China, I took tub baths with her to get skin to skin contact and we always looked into her eyes when we fed her, her bottle. Mike would lay her on his chest and get the skin to skin contact that way. At first Mike said family would get their feelings hurt if they couldn't carry her and feed her, and I said this is NOT about the families feelings, this is about forming good attachment with Mia. We did this consistently for the 2 weeks in China and followed by 6 weeks at home. We even waited to do her Baptism and have out of town family come after we had been home 6 weeks. Everyone understood and just wanted what was best for Mia.

I hope that this information helps anyone who is really concerned about attachment and soon can be united with their precious little one!


Lauren and Ed said...

Excellent advice...we did the same thing.Can't believe how fast Mia is growing up. She looks like such a big girl now! Time for you guys to start paperwork for #2 yet?

Kathy said...

Hi Barbara,
I wrote to you earlier this year about Mia's kitchen (new email account)...we bought it...Shelby loves it...I really appreciated this post and want to share it with my friend who is waiting for her paperwork to get processed. The process you followed has clearly worked :) You two are awesome parents! Mia looks so happy, secure and loved. I, too, believe in skin to skin contact and I think that the baths I used to take with Shelby really helped to bond us. I love reading your blog and love to see all of Mia's accomplishments as well as your joy. Has Mia gone wild for princesses yet? As much as I tried to avoid it, they have arrived in our home :) Everything is about pink, fluffy, dancing and music lately! (Plus we live 25 minutes from Disneyland :)
Best regards,
Kathy Archer